Friday, April 24, 2009

Ok but seriously picture with me for a moment that instead of Uncle Sam's face you see here, put a picture of Jesus there, same everything, except it's with a Jesus face. Now, let me start of by saying I love Jesus. I believe He has the most incredible sense of humor and loves me more than anything (or is that only with me?) Whatever, He rocks. And recently He literally removed the enjoyment I had for smoking. Yes, people I am a closet smoker. Or I guess now I can say was as of approx. 4 months ago. Here's how it all went down. I obviously quit while I was prego. Duh?! But after our miscarriage I was having a rough night and decided to go buy a pack, hoping that would calm me, make me feel better, I don't really know. But I did it anyway. So after smoking the first one, I thought to myself, ewwww, that was gross. Which isn't like me. I truly loved smoking.Just keeping it real folks. So I decided to try another one thinking again to myself, maybe it was just bad because I haven't smoked in awhile and the second one will be better. Not so true. Almost worst than the first. Now I'm getting frustrated. So yup, you guessed it, tried yet another one. To yet still no satisfaction. Now by this time I am on my way home, it's late, no one is awake. I pull into the drive, almost mad that my old habit wasn't comforting me the way our 'relationship' had in the past. Like a scorned lover (of the cigarette). How ridiculous right?! But those were the thoughts people. So I give it one more finally go and after the first drag, I just started to laugh. Really laugh. Hard. And then found myself talking, out loud to God.Like you've got to be kidding me. Is this how it's going to end? There's no Big Day where I say, this will be the day I quit. You are telling me this is how it's all gonna end. Right here, right now. It's all still kind of comical now to think that's how my love affair with smoking ended. No one big blow out, just God simply removed it. Without warning or even telling me or preparing for that matter. Now I still have the craving to take up my old habit and I don't know if that will ever go away but the reminder that seems etched in my brain of the disgust I felt after smoking that night won't. And I guess at this point I am grateful for that the most. So when I saw this sign, I thought of Jesus and it reminded me of just how much He wanted me to 'allow' Him to remove that part of my life. And I did. And it feels better than I thought it would.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my goodness! I am cracking up.. mainly because I am remembering all your "closet" smoking days... The days of sitting in the driveway before you would go inside.. or the cigarette butts sam would get mad about on the front porch. Ha ha ha ha ha.. boy do you need to move back! We need our next door houses back!