Friday, October 30, 2009

Where have I been?

What a week. My hubbs left for work/fun trip to GA last Sat and I have been up and down ever since. I am no baby when it comes to being alone with my girls. I mean I took them on a 14 day road trip to AZ and back, I'm no weenie. But this past week has basically put me in my place. This is just a brief run down up the haps' here since Sam and been gone. Walk with me now...
Saturday of last week we had soccer in the AM along with my dad coming over to lend a helping hand. Thank goodness. He bought us dinner and just hung out for the evening. It's always nice to just be with him. And it was nice to have some sort of reinforcement with dad away. Sunday I just hung out at home until the late afternoon and headed out to hidden valley for some dinner with grama Helen. And the girls got to see Pop's chickens. What an experience that was. We saw deer and coyotes and all things nature while visiting.
The grind began on Mon with lunches and errons to collect things for our Halloween costumes this year. We are going as the Flinstones and I began to sew all but one costume by myself. Holy smokes I will def. start earlier next year. Drop offs and pick ups throughout the week between the 2 girls is exhausting. Seriously now I know why all those hot little single mama's out there look so...well.. HAUTE. because they don't have time to eat.
There has been alot personally going on with me and when it rains, it pours on me. It's my lot in life not a pity party is all. I miss my mom alot lately. That comes in doses these days and getting through Oct has been more difficult that I expected. The longings of my baby that never was wanders through my mind as the 13th came and went. I expect no one to remember that but that will never escape me. I wanted to hold and smell that new baby so bad. Not this year. And the emotions swirl in my head of thoughts of more children? Yes? or No? This new season of my life has begun with both girls in school and getting more involved with extra activities keeps me busy and pre occupied most of the time. But late at night I sit and my mind sets adrift of all my hearts 'what if's'. It saddens and comfort me all in the same breathe.And my sweet small little family has suffered such sorrow in it's short life and the question to God has changed for me. Instead of 'Why me Lord?' 'Is this some sort of punishment Jesus?' It has transformed into 'What now?' ' What is next?' 'What will you do with this brokenness?' And I hear a soft whisper, very quietly. At night... saying  'Something great my sweet bride'. So I wait, I put one foot in front of the other and go. Forward now. Not back. However  much I miss the things that once were that brought me such sweet joy and comfort. There are new things that await and if I listen close I will hear Him. So in a nut shell it has been a long week, year, ect... But I keep on keeping on.
So my week has been full. Busy with the girls and waiting for Sam to come home tonight. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Breathe ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So bear with me and I'll keep you posted on the haps. Enjoy your family and your weekend.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like a busy week for you for sure. I always wonder how single moms do it, Jay works 4 days a week and we really don't see him those 4 days and it is really hard for me. So, kudos to you for hanging in there. Also, about the 13th.. i am praying for you. I know that is not easy, and nothing i can say can change that but know that I am praying for you. That God would show you what He has in store for you and your sweet family. Love ya.