Sunday, December 20, 2009


Oh this year, this Christmas season has taken me by storm. Every time I think I am caught up, another thought, activity, get together, ect... is going on. I truly can't keep up.

I also miss my G. Grama Ruby so much this year. And my own mom for that matter. My family is small. But so very sacred to me the older I get.I have amazing memories as  a child within the four walls of my home. With my mom and dad and brother and sister. Christmas was another special part of our family.

I didn't grow up knowing who God was or 'walking with the Lord' as some might call it. I don't speak Christianize very well so it is what it is to me. Pardon. But honestly, this doesn't make me sad. Often when that fact is spoke to people who grew up in a christian home, a wave of sadness washs over their faces. Like it's something to grieve. I do not see it this way. I do not look back on my childhood and say it could have been better if only my parents knew Jesus.

I saw more LOVE in my family than I could possibly only try to experience in a lifetime with my own. My dad adored my mom, with his whole heart. you could see it, feel it. It (that LOVE) flowed from her to us (her children) so much that I never questioned it. I knew it was there. Always. For me. to keep. Forever.

So as I hustle and bustle trying to do for everyone else, what I am seemly missing to just BE with my own family. I must stop this madness. I don't remember Christmas being this chaotic in my home. And as I said before, I did not grow up Christian but as I remember that home and what went on in it for those 15 years of my life, it had more Jesus in it than I have ever known. I want that back. That feeling of safety, warmth, kindness. Things are slower. The hugs last longer. I had a small family. But it was BIG and full with everything I needed.And it had EVERYTHING I want now for my little sweet family now.

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