Thursday, January 28, 2010

Proceed with Caution

I'm surviving. Trust me.
Barely. But I am.
Surviving the awkwardness of going through this yet again. Just simply SUCKS! And let me just say for the record... If I hear the question,'Do they(by that they mean the doctor) know why this keeps happening? one more time...... I will flipping lose my ever loving mind. And my knee jerk reaction every time (which I totally exercise self control at this moment) is to quickly say "Hell F%$#@! No'. Like I said/wrote though, I don't. I keep it pc. I mean it can't be easy to deal with me at this point. Just ask my husband. I must realize that while some have no edit button or some feel too uncomfortable to say anything at all, I must show grace too. But I think I'm just too sad to even give a crap. Just really sad. I feel like someone gave me a death sentence. But more accurately put by a awesome girlfriend of mine, like I got robbed of my womanhood. Now while I 'technically' can still try for more children someday, I must question my motives behind those thoughts and/or actions. I never want to be careless with my body this way. Physically or emotionally. So I, we, proceed with caution. Wait another year. And then way the options. So glad to have a year off of that little fun chat. So while I hold myself up at home, which has been quite comforting, I am committed to working through all this. At home. With my family. My friends. Jesus. And one heck of a therapist.
Nite Nite
*** P.s. I celebrated (low key) my birthday on Tuesday. Yup, the BIG 30. Wooza!? Sam and I plan on doing something this summer. I want to runaway from home with him. To somewhere warm and private. Hope he gets the memo.

1 comment:

  1. Zoe, my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you through EVERYTHING. You are a strong woman and a wonderful mother. God has given you two little gifts thus far and if it is in his plan, there will be another. Love you!