Saturday, April 28, 2012

Dirty Little Secret...Love Momma Zo

This should be fun!
Thanks Megs over at
Absolute Mommy
For hosting this mommy confessional.
I realize I just might lose some friends
Or family over this.
the latter might not be too bad of a loss.
Just saying.
Try not to get your feelings too hurt.
And don't call me in like 30 minutes,
Asking if it's you I am dishing on either.
Or I will reserve the right to
Put you on automatic
Voicemail Forward.
Oh wait, you didn't know about that?
Oh ya, it's super awesome.
Whenever someone needs an
Adult Time Out,
I found this amazing little button on my phone
That allows me to bypass the "Ignore Button"
It's come in so handy.
With that special person or two.Ha!
Looky here,see that button?
Freaking genius!
Kid birthdays are the best ever too.
Like you should have a couple
Just to collect a portion of
It's goodness.
For example,
I usually collect(more so require)a
Domestic Engineering Fee.
This sort of fee covers any/all relational
Duties I may or may not
Need to preform during my work
Here as a Momma.
Right off the top of
My girls birthday money.
Terrible,I know right?
Oh shut it,
You have done it too.
It's usually not much.
It at least covers a
Starbucks Chai Tea Latte
And some small that sparkles.
Say it with me...
Birthdays are the Best Ever!
We have a crazy neighbor.
No joke, WhackADoo.
A short list of things she has done/said includes:
Asking us for money.
Stalking my husband early in the morning for rides.
Asking to open her liquor bottles late at night(when I'm not home).
Locking herself in her bedroom them calling for me, then asking if my husband is home because she needs HIS help to get out.
Do we see a pattern here friends?
Telling our neighbor's we are Russian Spies and have their phones tapped.
Asking our neighbor's what they did with the "Blonde One" and if they killed her?
Ummmm, I wonder who she was referring too???
Calling me at 7a.m. To asking,more so demand the car parked in front of her house(on public property)be moved.I hung up,she called the police.
Having her elderly dad call me late one night and ask us to turn off our back porch light because she was trying to sleep.The brightness was killing her.Noticing the light was not on, I kindly said nope,not us,not our light and the realized it was a full moon shining In on her.
Ironic right?
Telling our new neighbors we are official
FBI agents.
Telling my husband it's such a shame we are FBI and she can no longer speak to us.
Really? You are too kind Crazy Vicki! Too damn kind.
That's the short list.
So my dirty little secret....
I told her a couple months back to stop harassing us.
Period.Stop.Enough is enough.
She argued with me saying she would never.
I then reminded her just how Cray Cray she is and to never stop taking her medication and walked away.
It felt so good to say that after years of harassment from her.
I should problay feel a little bad for reminding her she's certifiably crazy....
This is kind of what Crazy Vicki looks like if she wasn't a guy.
For visualizing purposes only.

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